Talking to Myself

I’m crying in the bathroom, time to go, one step out and now I have to cover my face with makeup to make me feel good and pretty, but will it really make me feel better? What I know is that I wasn’t born with makeup to make me feel pretty; I had thought being all “natural” made me feel or at least look pretty. Funny how these days I have to get lip fillers to look better, I need a tiny waist, big butt etc…you already know what. I have to look like a Barbie right? Hmm okay, that’s crazy that I need all that to look pretty. Maybe I should just put my headphones in and not listen to what other people think about me…good idea.

It’s time to put that bright smile on my face and be a clown to make everybody laugh, but who is there to make me laugh while I’m crying and screaming in silence.

I’m thinking too much, I’m overthinking too much, will this thing make me feel better? Will it stop the pain? If I do it nobody will hear me, nobody will even notice.

No, maybe I should put it down, maybe it’s not a good idea, maybe it’s not the time for me to leave. I still have time to continue my life, maybe somebody will save me, but who will save me if I can’t even save myself?

Come on, think, just lay down, everything will be alright: Just cry until you’re asleep and later you will feel better, okay?

It’s sad how I forget that there are many people around me that care about me, but I’m too busy in the darkness with my new friend Loneliness. 

Everything around me is killing me.

Everything I see is hurting me.

How can a simple word break my heart so easily,

How is my weakness beating my happiness?