• March 31Scientists Discover Cats Really Are Plotting To Take Over The World

  • March 31Snoop Dogg Shocked To Discover "Dog" Is Spelled With One "G"

  • March 31Sleepiness: The New Cure For Insomnia

  • March 20Presidential Candidate Elizabeth Warren Calls For An End To Electoral College

  • March 20Jury Concludes Roundup Weedkiller Responsible For Cancer In At Least One Person

  • March 20British PM Theresa May Calls For Extension To Brexit Negotiations

  • March 7'Jeopardy' host Alex Trebek Reveals He Has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer

  • March 6London Patient Could Be Second Cured Of HIV

  • March 6California AG Declines to Bring Charges Against Officers Who Shot Stephon Clark

  • March 6Several Passengers Hurt as Cruise Ship Tilts When Hit by Sudden 115 mph Gust

Filed under Opinion Pieces

On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






There is a ‘finn’ veil over the truth– allow me to explain why. To begin, there are supposedly about 6 million Finns, or residents of Finland, right? Out of about 7 billion humans, Finns therefore would make up less than a tenth of a percent, or around .09%. This data was obviously collected by governments, and even the best census has a margin of error of at least 1%. If you’re following along, you know what this means: The entire population of Finland may not exist. “But that margin of error could apply anywhere, or more likely be dispersed throughout the entire world,” you say. “There’s no way a whole country couldn’t exist.” Oh? OH?

Let’s take you back to 1918, when Finland had just had become independent from Russia. Russia is one of the major players in this conspiracy, with the other being Japan. Their purpose? Convenient fishing, free of those pesky international regulations, and easily shipped to Japan on the Trans-Siberian railway. We all know how infamous Japanese fisherman are for disregarding any sort of environmental protections. The fish would be shipped under the guise of commerce, namely Nokia phones. Ever notice how Finland seems to only have one export- phones- with only one company- Nokia- exporting them to only one place- Japan? Awfully coincidental, that.

“Now hold on,” you say, you doubting Thomas, you. “How are they using this place for fishing? Finland is mostly landlocked.” Well (as proven by the map below), Finland is in fact freer of land than any other country. Not only does it not exist as a nation, it does NOT EXIST AS A PHYSICAL, GEOGRAPHICAL LANDMASS.

What Google Earth doesn’t show you. Notice anything missing here?

If you’re Japanese, boom, there’s where your fish comes from. “Now hang on,” you say, preparing your pièce de résistance. “I’ve been to Finland. How do you explain that?” To which I respond:do you know you’ve been there? How? The one place in Finland people actually visit, Helsinki? Eastern Sweden. Unfortunately, anybody who thinks they live in or has visited Finland has actually been in Norway or Eastern Russia. 90% of the country is conveniently forest, a ridiculously easy to see excuse for having an ocean.

Finally, look at the name. An entire country that’s actually a front for illegal fishing? FIN-land? They aren’t even trying.

Navigate Left
  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    What Were You Wearing?

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Moving to Outer Space

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Reflections on American Politics

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Avoid Having to Pay Bills: The Easy Way Out

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Whats Next, Dogs in Cages Too?

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Male Pregnancy

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    A Case For The Welfare Of The People

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Apple is making you a tool of the Bourgeoisie

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Is Drake Overrated?

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Response to “On Singular “They” and Grammatical Difficulties”

Navigate Right
On ‘Finland’ and its Existence