• February 14Kaepernick Excluded From Home State's Black History Month Resolution

  • February 14NASA Bids Farewell to Mars Rover Opportunity After 15-year Mission

  • February 14Pot Smoking in Adolescence Linked to Depression in Adulthood

  • February 13Man Accidentally Finds A Tiger In An Abandoned House In Texas

  • February 13Former White House Aide Cliff Sims Sues Trump

  • February 13Fox News Host Who Hasn't Washed Hands In Years Thinks "Germs Are Not A Real Thing"

  • February 13RNC Uses Hillary Clinton's 'Stronger Together' Slogan For Trump

  • February 11Russia To Test Cyber-War Defenses

  • February 8Minor League Ballpark Bans Peanut Sales to Cater to Fans with Allergies

  • February 8Hall of Famer and Baseball's First Black Manager Frank Robinson Dies at Age 83

Filed under Opinion Pieces

On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






There is a ‘finn’ veil over the truth– allow me to explain why. To begin, there are supposedly about 6 million Finns, or residents of Finland, right? Out of about 7 billion humans, Finns therefore would make up less than a tenth of a percent, or around .09%. This data was obviously collected by governments, and even the best census has a margin of error of at least 1%. If you’re following along, you know what this means: The entire population of Finland may not exist. “But that margin of error could apply anywhere, or more likely be dispersed throughout the entire world,” you say. “There’s no way a whole country couldn’t exist.” Oh? OH?

Let’s take you back to 1918, when Finland had just had become independent from Russia. Russia is one of the major players in this conspiracy, with the other being Japan. Their purpose? Convenient fishing, free of those pesky international regulations, and easily shipped to Japan on the Trans-Siberian railway. We all know how infamous Japanese fisherman are for disregarding any sort of environmental protections. The fish would be shipped under the guise of commerce, namely Nokia phones. Ever notice how Finland seems to only have one export- phones- with only one company- Nokia- exporting them to only one place- Japan? Awfully coincidental, that.

“Now hold on,” you say, you doubting Thomas, you. “How are they using this place for fishing? Finland is mostly landlocked.” Well (as proven by the map below), Finland is in fact freer of land than any other country. Not only does it not exist as a nation, it does NOT EXIST AS A PHYSICAL, GEOGRAPHICAL LANDMASS.

What Google Earth doesn’t show you. Notice anything missing here?

If you’re Japanese, boom, there’s where your fish comes from. “Now hang on,” you say, preparing your pièce de résistance. “I’ve been to Finland. How do you explain that?” To which I respond:do you know you’ve been there? How? The one place in Finland people actually visit, Helsinki? Eastern Sweden. Unfortunately, anybody who thinks they live in or has visited Finland has actually been in Norway or Eastern Russia. 90% of the country is conveniently forest, a ridiculously easy to see excuse for having an ocean.

Finally, look at the name. An entire country that’s actually a front for illegal fishing? FIN-land? They aren’t even trying.

Navigate Left
  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Is Drake Overrated?

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    Response to “On Singular “They” and Grammatical Difficulties”

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    A Celebration of Life

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Opinion Pieces

    On Singular “They” and Grammatical Difficulties

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    World News

    Deadly “Zombie” Deer Disease Could Spread to Humans

  • Creative Pieces

    War Stories

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Comics

    “Donut”

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Video Games

    Red Dead Redemption 2: Equal Parts Rootin’ and Tootin’

  • Creative Pieces

    51 Scene 1 : The Discovery

  • On ‘Finland’ and its Existence

    Creative Pieces

    Animation Eon: Chapter 3

Navigate Right
On ‘Finland’ and its Existence