• March 31Scientists Discover Cats Really Are Plotting To Take Over The World

  • March 31Snoop Dogg Shocked To Discover "Dog" Is Spelled With One "G"

  • March 31Sleepiness: The New Cure For Insomnia

  • March 20Presidential Candidate Elizabeth Warren Calls For An End To Electoral College

  • March 20Jury Concludes Roundup Weedkiller Responsible For Cancer In At Least One Person

  • March 20British PM Theresa May Calls For Extension To Brexit Negotiations

  • March 7'Jeopardy' host Alex Trebek Reveals He Has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer

  • March 6London Patient Could Be Second Cured Of HIV

  • March 6California AG Declines to Bring Charges Against Officers Who Shot Stephon Clark

  • March 6Several Passengers Hurt as Cruise Ship Tilts When Hit by Sudden 115 mph Gust

Thesaurus Abuse

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






What a pulchritudinous day it is in this microcosm! What shall I accomplish, I query? On such a voluptuous day, I shall travel through the emporium. I jubilantly strut crosswise to the emporium. I ponder what to acquire. Eureka! I desire a predicament! I jaunt through the emporium. Everything seems more elemetery than before. Perhaps it’s just my enhanced perspective on entirety. All my colleagues comment that I am so sophisticated that they “can’t bare to be around me.” To that, I must attest. It must be burdensome being around a mind so agile and massive. Nevertheless, I have been seeking this predicament for multiple hours. I request assistance.

“Greetings, do you bear a predicament in your emporium?”

“Excuse me?”

“Does your emporium include a predicament?”

“A predicament? Sir, this is Walmart.”

“Oh, I visualise. On the contrary, your website specifically includes predicaments.”

“Sir, is this a joke? Cause that isn’t a predicament, it’s a pickle.”

No, you cannot grasp what I am verbalising. See, it says it write here.”

“Sir, you should probably stop looking for food items in a thesaurus. I might not be able to understand what you’re saying half the time, but walking around the store with a book makes you look silly. And you used the wrong definition. Maybe ‘brined cucumber’ would work better.”

*Narrator becomes enraged*

“Sir, you look pretty red, let me get you a glass of water and walk you home.”

After I ventured home, I realized that my mother lied to me. The thesaurus did not make me seem smarter, but the opposite. But after being embarrassed, I have learned my lesson. I will now think twice before I use flowery language, as it only makes me seem pretentious, and is overall unnecessary. I now realize that when used properly, a thesaurus is a helpful tool, but it must be used with caution. Just remember, whenever you feel like using this “purple prose,” think of my story take heed.

Navigate Left
Navigate Right
Thesaurus Abuse