UNSOLVED- Mr. Collazzo’s Missing Rock Band Drum Set

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Unlike our past editions of Unsolved, this week’s edition takes place in our own school (ominous music plays). Audubon’s history teacher and golf coach, Mr. Collazzo has lost his most prized possession- his Rock Band drum set for the Nintendo Wii™.

October 25 2010 11:45 PM- Mr. Collazzo was seen outside his local Gamestop awaiting the release of Rock Band for the Nintendo Wii™. After purchasing the title for 30 U.S dollars he then spent another 200$ on the miscellaneous set pieces which included said Drum Set.

October 2010- March 2019- Mr. Collazzo spent the next 9 years dedicating his life to this game, spending almost all his free time, perfecting his craft. Sources from the Rock Band 3 community say that Mr. Collazzo has been seen in various Rock Band jam sessions all across the nation with Mrs. Collazzo and his son Robbie with their famous cover of the B-52’s “Rock Lobster.”

The Parrot staff was able to get into contact with the legendary Collazzo himself for a description of the events that took place the day the drum set went missing.



Mr. Collazzo’s illustrious Rock Band drum set, last seen March 7th 2:32 pm

“So I was bringing in my Rock Band drum set as well as my Nintendo Wii™ so I could show my history classes that I can in fact play “Low Rider” with my eyes closed. After showing off my skills, I left the drum set in my class overnight assuming that it would be there in the morning but boy, was I wrong.” -Mr. Collazzo

The Drum set was last seen by a student passing by Collazzo’s classroom at around 2:45 pm on March 7th and was recorded by Mr. Collazzo at 7:00 am the next day.

After reviewing the schools security footage, the suspect in question was identified a white male with glasses standing at around 5’10”. The suspect had entered through the roof of the school and lock-picked his way into the classroom. He was then seen again back in the hallway drum set collapsed in a sack as he escapes through the roof and into his getaway jeep, never to be seen again.

This nasty case of thievery has not gone unnoticed in the school, and students have begun to speculate that the culprit may be a senior going by the name of Peter McLaughlin, as his appearance is consistent with the individual seen in the security footage as well as his recent obsession with Rock Band which seen on his social media pages. Others believe it may even be an elaborate ruse by Mr.Latham, Audubon’s calculus teacher and drummer for the band Evergreen, as it is rumored that he secretly resents Collazzo and his impeccable drumming skills. However, those leads have dried up for investigators, as both Latham and McLaughlin both have solid alibis the night the drums were snatched. When reached out to by The Parrot staff, both individuals refused to comment. As Collazzo mourns the loss of his prized Rock Band drum set, there is still an evil thief amongst the streets of Audubon with a very nice drum set.

Have any Leads? Email The Parrot staff at [email protected]

[Serious leads only]