Steering the Craft

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     My strange desire. As odd as this might sound, ever since I could remember, I’ve felt a need to drive the boat.


     The first time I ever told someone was when I was a wee lad. I said, “Mum, where is Pa?”

Mum: “Oh honey, he’s just driving the boat, he’ll come back?”

Me: “But I miss him, bring him back?”

Mum: “Honey, he’ll be back, I promise.”


     But he didn’t come back.


     I had to take the reigns of the vessel and find my father. The boat needed to be driven.


     Soon after my 18th birthday, I scrounged enough pounds together to purchase a dingy. She was noble, but a heaping pile of trash at the same time. I questioned if she would even float. I jumped in…and she sank…to the bottom pond.


      After celebrating the one year anniversary of my job at BOATS 4 LIFE, in the corner of my eye I saw my boss’ boat. And boy was it gorgeous!

Me: “Hey boss, that’s a nice vessel.”
Boss: “Yeah I know, of course it’s a nice boat. IT’S MY BOAT. What do you expect?”

Me: “You’re right boss! Of course you deserve it! You’re a GREAT boss! Oh yeah, by the way, I love boats. Is it possible for me to steer the ol’ craft?”

Boss: “You will never be able to drive this boat! You don’t deserve to even look at it.”

Me: “I don’t think you are understanding. I asked once politely. If you reject me again boss, I will use force. So let me ask again: MAY I DRIVE THE BOAT.”

Boss: “Of course you can’t you idio… *smack.

I took the reigns. I could finally see my father. At last, I can say “Lemme drive da boat… *crash.