Not My Life

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I didn’t want to admit it, but I was petrified on the inside. I put on an act for everybody because I didn’t want to seem weak. In a whole three months, I’m going to college and starting another life. Living on my own, providing for myself, juggling school and work. It’s a lot to think about and all it does is induce stress and anxiety. I mean, I’m still a kid at heart! All of this it too much and I shove my feelings deep down and forget about them for the time being.

It’s now July. I graduated a month ago and we’re fast approaching on the college train. I am going to a school that I don’t want to go to, and majoring in something that I never wanted to do. Why? To please my parents. Why, you might ask again? Because they’re paying in full for it so I’m gonna have to suck it up, I guess. There’s a tradition of Sinclair’s going to Princeton, so of course I would have to. I don’t want to disappoint my family.

The beginning of August. Twenty more days and I am leaving one hell, and going to another. I’ve never ever had any interest in being a biochemist, but yet again I’m forced against my will because my father owns a biochemistry company. That anxiety and stress that I had previously bottled up is of course now back.

Today is the day. Mark it on your calendars because this is undoubtedly a milestone, right? A celebration of adulthood. But it isn’t at all for me. I will be stuck at my father’s company doing something I NEVER wanted to do. And oh– how could I forget! I have to run his business when he passes. Aren’t I the luckiest person in the world? Money is nice too, but so is happiness. This isn’t how I pictured my life.