It Was Real

I went months thinking I was always going to feel like I wasn’t completely there. My happiness always came with a sliver of sadness in it. Something good always came with the bad. No matter what I did to make myself happy, I could never fully feel like myself. The constant teasing of “Malia, you’re always happy. How do you do it?” or feeling like you’ve disappointed someone when you didn’t wear the fake smile for once. In my head, gears weren’t connecting. It was as if they were turning in constant motion but nothing was clicking together. I truly felt like something was wrong with me until one day they all finally clicked.

Wake up. Shower. Brush teeth. Brush hair. Get dressed. Leave. My daily routine except for today I paused in front of the mirror. It was like a fifty pound weight was suddenly lifted from my shoulders. Smile. I felt free. My head was clear as I exited the bathroom. Instead of thinking about how angry I was to go to school so early, I thought about how excited I was to find out how good of a grade I got on my test. My mind was positively influenced from some unknown power. All day I wore a smile, and that smile wasn’t just any smile. It was the kind that made everyone happy. With that smile came the laugh. None of it was fake or made up, and that was the best part about it.